Are we getting addicted to urgency?

The digital age is a fast paced world. Life has become busier – there’s so much information to process, there are so many things to do, and so many things on our mind. In fact, it appears that our sense of self esteem these days appears to be linked to how busy we are. Further, our perceptions of people appear to be based on how busy they are.

The net result? A conscious / sub-conscious desire to be busy always. In the book ‘First things First’ by Stephen Covey and others, I came across the interesting phrase “Addicted to urgency” and it sums up today’s scenario rather well.

While not discounting genuine scenarios where all of us go through periods of fairly intense work, what we need to watch out for is becoming addicted to being busy. “I’m just so busy, I’ve got so much to do, and no time for anything” might be okay occasionally. However what’s risky is when this becomes the “de-facto” mode of operation. Before we know it, our default mode of operation becomes 60 hour weeks. We check emails for a couple of hours before sleeping, during the night when we wake up, or first thing in the morning. We respond to every email immediately on receiving it. Friction, unrest, angst at colleagues starts increasing. Arguments, even screaming / yelling at colleagues, begin to rear their head.

As more and more people get “infected” with this mindset, a culture of “Everything is a fire” starts to develop. Everything appears to be urgent, very urgent, or super urgent and needs to be delivered yesterday. The values of vision, strategy, planning and anticipation are forgotten. Quadrant 1 Important-Urgent) takes precedence over Quadrant 2 (Important-Not Urgent). “Fight or Flight” is the default approach and work life is about surviving the daily grind one day at a time.

Does it really need to be this way? Not really. Perhaps it’s time to realize that:

• We can all calm down and tell ourselves that there’s no need to panic.
• We can chill out a bit and not take work (and life) so seriously.
• There may be great value in sometimes slowing things down and changing the pace.
• Everything need not be a fire.
• Every e-mail does not need to be responded to immediately. In fact, several e-mails need not be responded to at all.
• Every meeting invite does not need to be accepted.
• It’s better to anticipate and prevent fires, not just fight them.
• It’s time to breathe deeply. Learn how to concentrate on one thing at a time. Focus. Think. Think again, and think through.

Perhaps it’s time to ask ourselves: Do I feel peaceful? Calm? Happy? Mindful of my surroundings and the world around me? Do I feel that there’s enough time to do what’s most important in life?

If not, might be worth some soul searching, introspection and perhaps some course correction?

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Thanks for reading. The views expressed are my own. I’d love your opinions, feedback and comments.

Are comparisons healthy or not? It depends.

As human beings, many of us cannot help but compare ourselves with people around us. Everything is up for comparison. Salaries, designations, roles, promotions, increments, awards, accolades .. the list is endless. A common pattern that I notice is that such comparisons invariably lead to unhappiness. The unhappiness is typically triggered when we see ‘somebody else’ in a better situation: it could be a better role, drawing a better salary, having a fancier designation, having a larger office, and so on. It gets worse when we feel (in our opinion) that we are as deserving as the other person, but are not being recognized or rewarded by the system accordingly. This happens quite often, doesn’t it? Besides the unhappiness factor, such feelings are often so deep in negativity that we often find it difficult to genuinely be happy at somebody else’s success, or sometimes outright resent it even when they deserve it. The ‘rat race’ and  ‘survival of the fittest’, are a couple of the phrases used to describe and sometimes rationalize these negative feelings.

Shutting your mind out to comparisons is really difficult. Here are, in my opinion, three possible alternatives to deal with such situations and minimize the negative emotions.

1. Compare with self, over time: This technique really works. The idea is to compare yourself with yourself, backwards in time. Imagine yourself in front of a mirror. Compare the person looking back now with what you were perhaps a quarter ago or a year ago – what’s the difference? In your competency, knowledge, productivity, quality of deliverables and overall expertise? What areas have really developed and what areas still need improvement?

2. Gratitude for what we have. This is essentially captured by the little rhyme, “I had the blues, because I had no shoes, till I happened to meet, a man with no feet.” A genuine feeling of gratitude for what you have received is the best possible antidote to the poisonous feelings of resenting somebody else’s success. This might sound old fashioned, however it still works – I’ve seen it working.

3. Accept somebody else’s strengths. This really is about humility. The minute you genuinely accept somebody else’s strengths, you find yourself less likely to feel uncomfortable about their success. When you see a colleague receiving appreciation for a job well done, you find it easier to congratulate him or her – genuinely, from the bottom of your heart.

I know people who practice the techniques above – sometimes consciously and sometimes not. What matters is that most of the time, I see them happier and more at peace with themselves and the system. If you fall into that category, do share your wisdom with the people around you. If you fall into the other category, do try out the techniques above for a few months and let me know whether they helped make a difference!

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Thanks for reading. The views expressed are my own. I’d welcome your comments, feedback and suggestions below. You can also send me a mail at shantanu.paknikar@gmail.com or connect on Twitter: @spaknikar

Relationships: Bridges can be rebuilt

This post is not about the construction of bridges. It is about relationships. It is about the rifts that inevitably happen within families, friends and people who were at some point in time, very close to each other. When these rifts happen, bridges between people become weaker and often break down completely. Years pass with brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces not meeting, not speaking and not spending time with each other. With time, the rifts become so deep that the reasons for the rift are often forgotten, but the rift continues. Egos now enter into the picture: for example, awkwardness and a fear of rejection, with each side not wanting to take the first step and reach out.

Sometimes, the best way to break the deadlock is when somebody who was not a part of the earlier context enters the picture. Without the baggage of bruised emotions, misunderstandings and apprehensions, the new person can reach out with genuine affection and an open heart. From the other side, if there is no genuine reason to dislike the new person, the affection is reciprocated, and work on rebuilding some of the bridges can begin. It takes time and effort, but the happiness and peace of mind you get from reconnecting with estranged family and friends is worth both.

Newer and younger members of the family often can play an important role – by building bridges between themselves that are visible and obvious to everybody else. Eventually, these bridges become strong enough to overcome any earlier rifts and help sort out any misunderstandings. Genuine affection and strong relationships are the best building blocks for any bridges that need to be built or rebuilt.

Besides affection, another key ingredient for rebuilding the bridges is to let go of the past. Forgiving and forgetting might sound old fashioned, but still works. Grudges benefit no one. If we give the benefit of the doubt to the other person and reach out with an open mind, we usually get a positive response.

In summary – I always feel that a simple motto in life is “Make it difficult for the other person to dislike you”. However deep the rift, Bridges can be rebuilt. Try and take that first step. The joy of reconnecting with your near and dear ones is worth every bit the effort, and definitely worth the risk of failure.